Why is it you think you're feeling up to par and you could totally handle talking to someone you really dont want to, even on the off chance they remember you are alive. but then you do and for the rest of the weekend you are thrown into the most hellish whirlwind of confusing feelings, so unclear that you wanna just erase the last year and start over. i mean it was easier when i thought she didnt want to talk to me anymore. it was getting better, but i'm not so sure about it anymore.