Derek Ski ([info]xderekskix) wrote,
@ 2005-11-19 09:51:00
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no matter what perspective my life is put in, no matter how many hang outs i have, i doubt my life will get better. oddly enough too, everything seems to be going great.

exhibit a... xREPRESENTx is going to be recording our full length in december, (16-18th) and hopefully we can get that shit pressed and released soon because i'm really excited about it.

exhibit b... I need 2 A's to get into the teaching program in Edinboro and i nailed one of them. and the other is in a German Class. should be no fucking problem.

exhibit c... I may be able to get this cool ass job with RedBull that starts at 10 an hour, i'd just be passin it out. Fuck yea. I mean i hate that shit, and i dont drink caffeine drinks, but... ehh... whatever. For 10 bucks an hour and a flexy schedule, sounds like a winner.

exhibit d... Hung out with j dubbs (josh buck) for the past 3 days. maybe we'll even hang out tonight again. shit'll always be good, plus we know we can always bitch to each other abuot our situation. we're not going through the exact same thing, but painful nonetheless. well... sorta for him. not really. whatever!

exhibit e... Marielle has called me 3 times in the last week. Odd?? Well, it's cool, even if it's always when i'm sleeping. shit dont matter. i love talking to her.

So with all this, you figure i'd see this as a fucking high point. MAybe some of you think i'm dumb, maybe some of you think i need to suck it up and live life. but no matter what advice i've been given, none of it seems to help. and i know its good advice, really good advice. laing down and dying was never my only option in life, but now it seems it is.

Sorry if any of you are disappointed. I'm disappointed myself. i dont want to feel like this, but i have no other way to feel. As per usual, when i'm focused, i'm focused for good. and there's nothing i can do the direct my focus elsewhere, because everything just calls attention to the real matter at hand anyway. I'm pathetic. but you already knew that.

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[info]xpfishx
2005-11-19 03:29 pm UTC (link)
We tend to focus on the short term aspects of our life, what is right in front of us today. Today all you feel is grief and sorrow because of certain unchangeable situations. But try to focus on the long term positive things you have in your life. You stated that xRx will be recording. Just imagine once that record is complete how great it is going to be to be able to listen to it, and the great possibilities that will come of it. Imagine going in to a Hot Topic, FYE, Best But and seeing your band for sale. Not only that, but knowing you have the possibility of reaching so many kids through those markets.

I’ve had a real rough time lately with my current situation. I had some serious family issues arise that left me feeling anything but good. On top of that, all I do is work 10 hour days at a job that doesn’t thrill me, only to come home and do absolutely nothing. I make good money considering my age, but money does not equal happiness.

At least you are surrounded by friends, and know that. Down here I really only have two individuals I hang out with on a regular basis. One is my roommate and he is dating a mutual friend now, so they are always together, and I really don’t enjoy being a third wheel. The other individual lives about an hour or so north of me now so he does not come down and hang out so often.

Life is difficult, and that will never change. Sometimes there is nothing you can do to make it any easier. Situations are going to arise that make you question everything you know. But at least you are alive.

A professor of mine once told me this. I’ll pass it on to you.

Change is inevitable. It is a part of life and it can not be avoided. When change occurs you can do one of three things. You can adapt to the change, circumvent the change, or perish.

Hang in there Derek.

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Maybe This Will Help
[info]marlborogirl
2005-11-19 10:00 pm UTC (link)
Being Twenty Something

They call it the “Quarter-life Crisis.” It is when you stop going along
With the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself
that you did not know and may not like.

You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two,
But then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start
Realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you
Thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you have
Ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most
important ones.

What you do not recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren’t
really cold, catty mean or insincere but that they are as confused as
you. You look at your job…and it is not even, close to what you thought you
would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you
are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and
Find yourself judging more that usual because suddenly you realize that you
have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn’t. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life.

You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and
you try to cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realized that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such
damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can’t meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself…and while winning the race would be great, right now, you’d just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it.

We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

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[info]the_suture
2005-11-21 04:58 am UTC (link)
ok wait, so are you stoked or not stoked? what the shit?
I complain a lot on the phone. maybe you should tell me to shut the fuck up and talk about yourself... usually I'd ask but I always call drunk! thats just me!

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[info]xderekskix
2005-11-21 07:30 pm UTC (link)
"i love talking to her" that normally means someone is stoked, jerky!

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